Philip Metres |
Here I Am
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Now here I am!
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So...
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So here I am...
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(Where have you been?
We’d given up all hope...)
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So...
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So here I am!
I can’t describe these feelings...
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...these emotions...
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...these feelings...
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(You look just great, so strong and fit,
Looking at you now, I almost didn’t…
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...recognize you)
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Now...
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Now here I am! Is anything as fine
As this majestic…
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...What could be as majestic...
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...as this fine...
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(My headache’s gone, and I can breathe,
And on the whole, I feel…
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…much better)
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So...
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So here I am! There is no other earth...
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…this is the only...
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…this is the only earth...
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…there is no other...
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(Well, now you’re talking. Honestly, I was already thinking, if it’s going to be like this,
why bother to begin at all).
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Now...
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Now, here I am!
Could I have even dreamed...
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Not even in a dream...
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...just yesterday...
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(Repeat four times)
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So...
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So here I am! Hard to believe, and yet...
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Incredible...
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...but true...
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(The logs are crackling in a dying fire)
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So...
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Now here I am! I will not tire you...
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...I will not bore...
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...you…
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...you, my reader...
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Specialist at the planning department of a research institute, 54 years old.
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On her second marriage.
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Has a grown son from her first marriage.
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Fit and youthful.
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Loves to sing, plays guitar--“just for fun.”
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Around 2:30 was returning to work after her lunch break...
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(So...)
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Taxi driver, 39 years old.
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In his youth, he lifted weights, then gave it up.
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Married.
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Two children—Denis, 14, and Lada, 9.
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Around 2:30, took the car over from his partner and headed towards Domodedovo...
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(Now...)
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Teacher at a kindergarten, 24 years old.
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Height around 5’8’’ or 5’9”.
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Nice-looking, slightly overweight.
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Lives with her parents.
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Single, but apparently has a steady boyfriend.
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Around 2:30, was standing at the tram stop near the Riga train station…
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(So...)
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An actor at the drama theater, 51 years old.
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Three years ago, he suffered a massive heart attack...
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At the theater, plays mainly supporting roles.
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Around 2:30, left the theater after the rehearsal, decided to walk a couple of stops...
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(Now...)
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In a word, everything must be extremely light, almost transparent, hardly perceptible.
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Perhaps something like a rainbow.
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As for a description of the house, begin with whatever you like.
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Perhaps with the roof color.
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Or maybe a tree.
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Let’s say, an old white willow by the fence.
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Or something like when you think you pretend to be asleep, but in fact you really are
sleeping.
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Or, as if someone invisible sneaks up from behind, lays his hands on your shoulders,
and laughs with such a familiar laugh, that you couldn’t hold back your tears.
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And, obviously, that’s the reason you feel a constant presentiment of some unknown
catastrophe.
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Obviously, that’s the reason you instinctively resist any changes in your life.
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“I just can’t go on sewing back your damned half-belt every single day!”
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(She throws his coat to the floor, and suddenly begins to sob)
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However, we see very well it isn’t about the half-belt at all.
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Or, imagine that you’ve been waiting for this moment your whole life.
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So now you are trembling inside as you open the cherished door...
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In other words, it’s something like a “farewell forever” twisted in a tight spiral.
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Do you understand?
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Now here I am!
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...here I am! I will not tire you, my reader, by describing the hardships I encountered on
my journey…
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...the hardships I encountered on my journey, and my accidental companions, some of
whom were quite nice, come to think of it, and some of whom I’d rather not remember...
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...some of whom I’d rather not remember, and that completely explainable agitation and
impatience that would increase as you near the cherished goal...
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...agitation and impatience that would increase as you near the cherished goal, and
many other things...
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...many other things. And now the night visions grow vague, dissolving in the morning
fog...
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...in the morning fog, and a gang of screaming kids is rushing down the slope straight
to the river...
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...straight to the river, and the Rhine hills, castles, and vineyards are flying by...
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...castles, and vineyards are flying by, and now everything is becoming endlessly
distant: a cracked cup, a dusty stuffed squirrel, a small crystal sphere, and crumpled
sheets of paper...
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...a small crystal sphere, and crumpled sheets of paper, and there’s no reason at all to
hit the drum, which won’t resound anyway because it’s dead…
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...won’t resound anyway because it’s dead, and now the logs are crackling in a dying
fire...
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...the logs are crackling in a dying fire,
the flow of things will never stop...
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...will never stop,
we go our separate ways...
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We go our separate ways,
do not forget me.
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We go our separate ways,
do not forget me.
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We go our separate ways,
do not forget me.
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We go our separate ways, do not
forget me.
Lev Rubinstein, translated by Philip Metres and Tatiana Tulchinsky and read with Amy Breau.
Here I Am is from Catalogue of Comedic Novelties: Selected Poems of Lev Rubinstein (Ugly Duckling Presse, 2004).
Posted on April 21, 2007 7:47 AM