| Mark Yakich |
A Brief History of Patriotism
| 500 B.C.E. | The Incas grow, eat, and worship the potato, and often bury it with their dead. |
| 1000-1400 C.E. | At some point during the Dark Ages, it is believed that a band of potatoes makes its way across the Bering Strait, but this remains only an hypothesis. |
| 1540 | The first European to see a potato is Spanish Conquistador Pedro de Cieza de Leon. He promptly conquers it. |
| 1565 | Another Spanish Conquistador named Quesapilla takes the potato back to Spain in lieu of the gold he did not find. |
| 1578 | The Italians discover that the potato is part of the nightshade family, related to tobacco and tomatoes. In this same year, a Florentine noblewoman discovers gnocchi between her legs one morning. |
| 1604 | Shakespeare invents mashed potatoes, potato pancakes, twice-baked potatoes, thrice-baked potatoes, and very burnt potatoes. |
| 1605 | In France the potato is outlawed for fear that it causes leprosy, syphilis, and rampant sexualit |
| 1620-1750 | {Here, unfortunately, there is a small, inexplicable gap in the research.} |
| 1755 | Samuel Johnson includes the word “tater” in his dictionary. |
| 1778 | In a war between Prussians and Hapsburgs neither side is able to win on the battlefield, so both try to starve out the other by stealing and eating their enemies’ stockpile of potatoes. |
| 1823 | The Belgians invent French fries. |
| 1845 | Potato crop failure in Ireland, one million people starve to death. The Irish become famous. |
| 1853 | Out of spite for an insolent customer, half Native American, half African American chef George Crum invents the potato chip. His creation becomes exceptionally popular, but he forgets to patent it. |
| 1871 | The Idaho Potato is invented in Massachusetts. |
| 1899 | During the Alaskan Klondike gold rush, miners discover that potatoes are high in vitamin C and are thus worth their weight in gold. A pound of potatoes is traded for a pound of gold. |
| 1926 | Ms. Laura Scudder invents the paper bag in which to put potato chips. |
| 1945 | Unwilling to take the abuse any longer, Anne Frank writes of her odium of potatoes. |
| 1955 | The first baked potato to be microwaved is microwaved by the Raytheon Corporation. |
| 1968 | The Canadians invent instant potato spuds. |
| 1972 | The International Potato Center (CIP) is established in Lima, Peru, with the mission to help developing nations increase potato production and consumption. |
| 1989 | A small group of academics try to reclaim the potato for itself and begin calling it the “super tuber,” but this never really catches on. |
| 1994 | Potato consumption is on the rise in most parts of the world. China leads all nations by producing 40,039,000 metric tons, followed by Russia (33,780,000), Poland (23,058,000), the United States (20,835,000), Ukraine (16,102,000), and India (15,000,000). Average annual per capita consumption is reported to be highest in certain highland regions of Rwanda (153 kg). |
| 2000 | Americans eat 19% of their meals in automobiles, and each automobile weighs, on average, 2600 lbs. |
| 2006 | Although the potato becomes a prime candidate for farming in outer space, the results of a nationwide poll suggest that most people believe the potato is too modest to accept. |
Mark Yakich
Posted on December 26, 2006 11:07 AM